i don't value life

...as much as i should.

life is just boring lately.

i'm seriously bored out of my mind.

the french have an expression "métro, boulot, dodo" that perfectly sums up my life right now.

"métro, boulot, dodo": metro*, work, sleep

seriously, that's my daily pattern.

my mind, as of now, craves constant entertainment.

i can't even sit still for a few moments.

i feel like i'm wasting time and consequently i get irritated when i don't have anything to do.

of course, there are a lot of things i can occupy myself with, namely building my portfolio for Art Center, but i'm just not in the mood right now.

...hm, once again i'm shirking my responsibilities.

i get it. don't preach to me anymore.

just let me have my fun.

i have the rest of my adult life to deal with responsibilities.

maaaan, life is so boring right now i don't even care if i died.

well, maybe the few moments before i die i will be scared, but in death there will be nothing.

ugh, this is the fever talking.

i don't want to die.

i just... want to be fussed over.

it's been so long.

it's raining again today.

i wanted to walk around and get soaked in the rain.

i wanted to get pneumonia and get the flu and get a high fever.

i'm already sick and yet i wanted to exasperate my illness even further.

it's pathetic, isn't it, wishing to inflict suffering upon myself just to get some pity.

however, i won't tell anybody that i'm sick.

if i keep silent, only the people who care about me will notice.

i don't want false concern, i want someone to care who genuinely cares about me.

i don't want everyone to wish me "feel better!" on facebook or twitter.

i want someone who will notice my moods and my behavior.

perhaps, overall, i just want someone who will love me without any effort from me.

then again, i thought about that.

"love is unconditional," Grace told me yesterday.

true, i believe that, but i also believe that love... has its limits.

take me for example: i believe that once one falls in love with someone else, one will always love that person.

that said, although i still love my ex boyfriend, i wouldn't exactly be willing to do anything for him.

well, i guess love's like that in the end.

although we might still me emotionally connected, it's hard to spurn us into action.

on a lighter note, i attended an abridged version of LACHSA's 13th Annual Music Gala.

good stuff, man.

i've made up my mind to go to see it tomorrow.

it's really too bad that zombie walk is also on the same day... ):

*metro: travel/driving

Posted by miyavicake at 6:47 PM